My trap Door writing

Shivering me and Ellee walked back from school. It was cold as winter the trees were wrestling and the ground was like icey snow. “Pippa its like 0 degrees out here” yelled Ellee. I didn't speak a word I was like an ice cube. Then a big gush of wind made Ellees bag go flying.

“Ahhh quick my bag, get it,” yelled Ellee. I jumped up and caught it by my finger.

“Here you go,” I said.

“Wait what's that you're standing on Pippa” asked Ellee. “Oh this, um I dont know,” I answered.

“I will open it,” Ellee replied.

“ahh okay,” I shivered.

She opened the trapdoor “What! theres nothing in here but dirt,” Ellee yelled in disapointed.

They walked in. Ellee was right there was nothing but dirt. Ellee leaned against the wall and a crack bang bong the dirt disappeared.They looked through it was beautiful there were pine trees sand and fruit for days it had a sign they read it it said welcome to hawaii. They both gasped

“Hawaii but how” Pippa said.

Ellee shrugged her shoulders. They keeped looking around they found dens and tents even pet cages. It was extraordinary. It was like a dream. They walked and came to a big house it was even beautiful than their own house. It had two doors there was a pond and a tree house. Suddenly they heard a voice it sounded like a old old person “Hello my name is tom i live here” he said kindly “Okay” Pippa said “let's go play” Ellee said “okay why not” i answered. They went off to play. Next day they walked back to the house he was nowhere to be seen they looked all around they found a paper in a bottle they opened the bottle and read it <Follow the railway then it will take you  to a cave go through the cave and you will see> (the rest was rubbed out). They decided to find the railway. It took one hour to finally find the railway they followed it for 10min when they finally found the cave it had cob webs and spiders and mossy stone steps they crept in the cave slowly they walked in. They started to see a little glow as they crept closer it got brighter and brighter. When they finally got there they saw gold iron even diamonds also my favorite amethyst. They both gasped “Look at all this treasure were going to be rich” Ellee said happily. Just as Pippa was about to say something a key necklace jumped on Pippa and Ellees neck. “Wow look at these cool necklaces” Pippa explained Ellee said “it feels so--just then Ellee disappeared” Pippa touches her necklace and she disappeared just like Ellee. They were back where they started by the trapdoor “wow all we need to do is touch our necklace and we will go back there” Pippa said with a smile. Then Ellee noticed something...




I have been learning to be a better writer and go back an re-read it so it makes senses. 
I am proud of because I tried and did not give up and I did my personal best to add detail.
Next time i could make changes to some words to be more exciting.
I really enjoyed making my trap door writing and using my imagination.